Tag Archives: ptsd

Today Is My Birthday!

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I turn half a century today! Its my birthday! It’s amazing when I think about all that God has done for me over the years.

I was a single parent, struggling to raise my son, who is now 24 years old and thriving.

We suffered an apartment building fire and not a hair on our heads was touched.

My son and I were homeless for a minute and my family stepped in and showed us abundant love.

We went 8 years without a vehicle and had to struggle on the buses or walk everywhere.

I’m a T2 Diabetic, who suffers from PTSD and Depression, has had kidney cancer and a few other ailments.

I am now medically retired and in love with a wonderful man who adores me!

God loves me!

I owe everything I am and have to Jesus Christ!

PTSD: No Laughing Matter

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You know, PTSD and anxiety are funny things (not literally funny though). They can make you uneasy about the most mundane of things. I’ve been sitting here all day stressing about going in to get labs done tomorrow.

No, I’m not concerned about what the labs will show, or encountering COVID, I’m just anxious about “going out of my house”. Strange, isn’t it? It’s like the entire day before an appointment, I must find ways to relax and destress and try not to think about “the big tomorrow”!

Yes, I do recognize the symptoms when they come up, but it’s still not easy to combat them sometimes. For me, it comes down to changing the way I think about things. Why should leaving the house be stressful? I should think of it as a good thing, a change of scenery. And the weird this is, whenever I do go out, it always makes me feel better! It’s like I’m afraid of a good thing.

Oh well, it is what it is.

I can only be who I am.

My Mind Never Turns Off

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It’s been an interesting few weeks. I’m so tired of laying down and not being able to rest. My mind never turns off. I think that’s why I watch so much television. It gives me something to concentrate on instead of listening to the crap going on in my head.

I realized that I really need some way to control that. I need rest. Around the 10th of this month, I had a consultation with a rep and decided to begin trying out CBD for my anxiety. I was told it takes about 2 weeks to get into your system, so here we go.

I’m not interested in living the rest of my life on prescription drugs. I’m going to talk to my doctor about seeing what changes I can make towards living the rest of my life free. I know it will take a lot of work on my part, but it will be worth it.

Do any of you use CBD for anxiety or PTSD? I would love to hear if it’s working for you or not!

GOODBYE FEAR

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I’ve struggled my whole life with fear and guilt. I’ve wallowed in those 2 things for so long, they have become a part of me. Therapy has helped, but it will always be battle for me.

Everyday, I have to remind myself that I don’t have to be afraid; of little things. I can be afraid to go out one day. On another day, I’m afraid to shower in the house when my husband is not here. These are things that only people who suffer with PTSD and anxiety like I do would understand.

I thank God for my husband, who shows me every day how much he loves me.

A few years back, I came across a song that has become very dear to me: The Breakup Song, by Francesca Battistelli. When I listen to this song, I feel understood and empowered! I will always fight for freedom from my demons. I will not give up.

Life Changes: Permanently Retired

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So much has happened since my last post when I was going into residential treatment for PTSD! While I was there, I resigned from my job and I have been out of work since then.

But God has prevailed! I am permanently disabled by way of the VA, so I no longer have to worry about how my family is going to make it financially without my working. I am at home full time now and let me tell you, it really does take some getting used to!

In the midst of the Coronavirus pandemic, I am relearning what things I enjoy and what things bring me peace. I’m so grateful to God that Cedric is working from home. With the status of this pandemic, him being here with me brings me peace. I’m learning to adjust to my limitations (mentally) and learning how to not burden myself too much. It’s ok to rest. It’s ok.

I’m also trying to concentrate more on my body and what it needs; daily movement and healthy food! I’m trying to get my life back.

Thank you Lord for this opportunity!

My PTSD Wears on Me

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There are some days when it’s hard to get up. This was one of those days. My husband woke me in the wee hours of the morning from a nightmare. He says I was yelling and speaking some kind of gibberish. I remember the nightmare. I was being chased by something awful.

I hate when things like that happen because I don’t want to frighten him. My PTSD and anxiety wears on me and I wish it didn’t have to wear on him too. I’m very thankful to have such a supportive husband. He just put his hands on me and said “its ok baby” to wake me out of it.

Lord, you know the things I struggle with daily. Help me and give me the strength to go through.