As of today, I have a new appointment set for April 27th for a new set of dental impressions. After that, wax try ins and after that, my permanents! It’s been a mighty long journey and I can’t wait for it to be over!
By the end of March, it will have been one whole year since full extractions. I had expected everything to be done by now but there was a minor setback.
Am I nervous? Yes
But I know God is in control and He made this happen just for me and I trust Him!
Why? Because when I was young, I used to write lots of poetry about my life. I even used to keep them in a black binder in hopes of getting them published one day. I remember back in junior high and high school, I always felt like my best friends had their own best friends and it wasn’t me. I used to write poetry about being “second best”. I felt that way my whole life. I was never good enough to be first.
I joined the Army in 1991. I was 19 years old. I met my first husband there and he was also the first man I’d ever been with. He made me feel like I wasn’t pretty enough to go places with him. He would tell me things his friends would say about me. He made me feel embarrassed about myself. He ended up cheating on me and leaving me for another woman. I still wasn’t good enough to be first.
He has brought a wonderful man into my life who knows the true meaning of the word Love. He shows me every day that I AM FIRST. He takes care of me and my heart. He supports me in my many struggles. I love him so much and I thank God for him every day.
Surely I need a break. Yes indeed! What do I need a break from? So many things! But I will tell you my top 2.
Feeling unattractive. It’s been 11 months now waiting to get my dental implants. It’s hard to look in the mirror and not recognize who you see. It’s a journey.
Worrying about money. My family has come so far and we are so blessed. God always provides; so why worry?
I recognize that my anxiety/depression have a lot to do with these 2 things so I try hard to keep them in perspective. I’m so thankful for my husband and his support and understanding. I couldn’t make it through this journey without God and him.
I’m working on myself daily. It’s slow going but progress is progress. One day at a time.
January should have been the month that I would get my finals but there has been a setback. After taking the impressions my dentist realized that I need more bone shaved done in the back for the snap ins to fit! I’m not even gonna go into why this wasn’t done during the first surgery!
So, I’m scheduled for a 2nd surgery on January 26th to shave down more bone. They offered to do it in clinic with needles for numbing but after the uncapping, I refused. 20 needles all over your mouth is not something I ever want to do again! So, I will be put to sleep, thank God.
After the surgery, I’m expected to heal within 1 to 2 months and at that point I can finally get my finals. March will be one year without teeth and I am so ready for this journey to be over. I want to be able to look in the mirror and feel like myself.
This is gonna sound weird but I am happiest when laying in bed with my husband. I feel safe and loved and I thank God every day for bringing this wonderful man into my life. He loves me in a way I’ve never been loved before.
March 17 will be our 6 year anniversary and I am the happiest I’ve ever been. I love you Cedric! 💕💕💕