I’m beginning to notice something. I am more afraid than I used to be; of ageing. I watch tv and I see so many commercials about this illness and that one, and it affects me differently than it used to. I have to purposely stop my thoughts from running away with me.
I’m 51 years old now with a few health conditions and sometimes the future of my health scares me. I hate to admit that, but there it is. Aging is scary. I’m not even sure I can finish this post.
I’ve struggled my whole life with fear and guilt. I’ve wallowed in those 2 things for so long, they have become a part of me. Therapy has helped, but it will always be battle for me.
Everyday, I have to remind myself that I don’t have to be afraid; of little things. I can be afraid to go out one day. On another day, I’m afraid to shower in the house when my husband is not here. These are things that only people who suffer with PTSD and anxiety like I do would understand.
I thank God for my husband, who shows me every day how much he loves me.
A few years back, I came across a song that has become very dear to me: The Breakup Song, by Francesca Battistelli. When I listen to this song, I feel understood and empowered! I will always fight for freedom from my demons. I will not give up.