Why? Because when I was young, I used to write lots of poetry about my life. I even used to keep them in a black binder in hopes of getting them published one day. I remember back in junior high and high school, I always felt like my best friends had their own best friends and it wasn’t me. I used to write poetry about being “second best”. I felt that way my whole life. I was never good enough to be first.
I joined the Army in 1991. I was 19 years old. I met my first husband there and he was also the first man I’d ever been with. He made me feel like I wasn’t pretty enough to go places with him. He would tell me things his friends would say about me. He made me feel embarrassed about myself. He ended up cheating on me and leaving me for another woman. I still wasn’t good enough to be first.
He has brought a wonderful man into my life who knows the true meaning of the word Love. He shows me every day that I AM FIRST. He takes care of me and my heart. He supports me in my many struggles. I love him so much and I thank God for him every day.
Surely I need a break. Yes indeed! What do I need a break from? So many things! But I will tell you my top 2.
Feeling unattractive. It’s been 11 months now waiting to get my dental implants. It’s hard to look in the mirror and not recognize who you see. It’s a journey.
Worrying about money. My family has come so far and we are so blessed. God always provides; so why worry?
I recognize that my anxiety/depression have a lot to do with these 2 things so I try hard to keep them in perspective. I’m so thankful for my husband and his support and understanding. I couldn’t make it through this journey without God and him.
I’m working on myself daily. It’s slow going but progress is progress. One day at a time.
This is gonna sound weird but I am happiest when laying in bed with my husband. I feel safe and loved and I thank God every day for bringing this wonderful man into my life. He loves me in a way I’ve never been loved before.
March 17 will be our 6 year anniversary and I am the happiest I’ve ever been. I love you Cedric! 💕💕💕
Last year I was wondering how I was going to be able to pay for dental implants. God worked that out and I am getting my implants free of charge from the VA Hospital!
Last year I was wondering how we were going to be able to afford to move and get a yard for Moki. God has provided a promotion to a Federal Job for my husband and we have been approved for a very spacious townhome with a yard!
Last year my son was worried about not making enough money on his job to pay his rent. God has provided him with a new job that he loves and he’s interested in making a career out of!
God has been so good to my family and I will always give Him the credit He is due. Without God, I don’t know where I would be!
How does YOUR life look different from a year ago?