I just love the view outside of my window now. It looks so peaceful and it makes me want to just slow down and take it all in. I’m so thankful for this new place. It will require us to make some changes, but they are well worth it. It even pushes me to get outside of my comfort zone a little (one step at a time!).
We have a lot within walking distance of here. Less than 1/2 mile away is a complete shopping center…actually 2; one on each side of the street. Yesterday, I put on my walking shoes and grabbed my walking stick and journeyed up there. It was a leisurely stroll that took 15 mins each way, but the sun was shining and I felt good.
People who don’t suffer from anxiety might not see this as a big accomplishment, but for those of us who know, you know it is! It felt good to step out (literally!).
Why? Because when I was young, I used to write lots of poetry about my life. I even used to keep them in a black binder in hopes of getting them published one day. I remember back in junior high and high school, I always felt like my best friends had their own best friends and it wasn’t me. I used to write poetry about being “second best”. I felt that way my whole life. I was never good enough to be first.
I joined the Army in 1991. I was 19 years old. I met my first husband there and he was also the first man I’d ever been with. He made me feel like I wasn’t pretty enough to go places with him. He would tell me things his friends would say about me. He made me feel embarrassed about myself. He ended up cheating on me and leaving me for another woman. I still wasn’t good enough to be first.
He has brought a wonderful man into my life who knows the true meaning of the word Love. He shows me every day that I AM FIRST. He takes care of me and my heart. He supports me in my many struggles. I love him so much and I thank God for him every day.
Surely I need a break. Yes indeed! What do I need a break from? So many things! But I will tell you my top 2.
Feeling unattractive. It’s been 11 months now waiting to get my dental implants. It’s hard to look in the mirror and not recognize who you see. It’s a journey.
Worrying about money. My family has come so far and we are so blessed. God always provides; so why worry?
I recognize that my anxiety/depression have a lot to do with these 2 things so I try hard to keep them in perspective. I’m so thankful for my husband and his support and understanding. I couldn’t make it through this journey without God and him.
I’m working on myself daily. It’s slow going but progress is progress. One day at a time.
It feels like I have too many balls in the air right now! Sometimes I feel frazzled when too much is happening!
My surgery on the 26th of January went well. I’m back to eating mush until my gums heal, but they are coming along. They are more painful now than when I had the teeth extracted. I guess that’s from the gum “shaving”! In another week or two, the stitches should have come out and I can go back in to redo my impressions.
We are steadily settling into the townhome. There are a lot of differences from the old apartment, but that’s what we wanted. Moki hasn’t truly gotten to enjoy the backyard yet, especially now with the ice coverage. Spring is coming for her!
Hubby is home with us until Friday because of this Texas weather. I always love his company ❤️. We have been watching Netflix, Prime and Hulu like crazy! We started a new series on Prime this morning called Three Pines. We are only on episode 3, but it seems pretty good. Hubby and I love a good mystery!
I’m really looking forward to this weather breaking. I’m not a fan of winter at all. It’s actually kind of depressing. Moki doesn’t seem to like it much either! Life goes on. We shall be victorious! 😅
What many people don’t understand is that people with depression have so many things to deal with that they don’t ever get mentioned. The thoughts about everything going on can really weigh on you. We have a whole second set of things to handle beyond the surface. All I can do is my best.