My PTSD Wears on Me

There are some days when it’s hard to get up. This was one of those days. My husband woke me in the wee hours of the morning from a nightmare. He says I was yelling and speaking some kind of gibberish. I remember the nightmare. I was being chased by something awful.

I hate when things like that happen because I don’t want to frighten him. My PTSD and anxiety wears on me and I wish it didn’t have to wear on him too. I’m very thankful to have such a supportive husband. He just put his hands on me and said “its ok baby” to wake me out of it.

Lord, you know the things I struggle with daily. Help me and give me the strength to go through.

Life Changes: I Got Married

I got married on March 17, 2017. I had been single since an online relationship from 2012-2014. Before that, I had been single since getting divorced from my first husband in 2001. That’s over 10 years alone! I have been raising my son on my own since he was 3 years old.

I Thank God for him every day of my life!
My divorce was very painful but let me say, God made up for it all! The husband I have now has surpassed my wildest dreams! I didn’t go after this man. God sent him to me. I had known Cedric for a year or so before we started talking and dating. He was my coworker at a job I had in downtown Dallas. We both were Christians and he was always reading. That’s what made me speak to him: He was a fellow book lover!

We dated for a year (during which I had my kidney surgery) and were married on March 17th. I have never had someone who loved me so thoroughly. Cedric takes care of me in every way. I never knew men like him even existed. I thank God for him every day of my life!

Hold on!
Wait on God! No matter how long it takes, the wait will be worth it! Your tears are not ignored by God. He knows just the kind of man you need in your life.


Life Changes: Kidney Removal

I had my left kidney removed at the end of March 2016. I had gone in to the
ER due to stomach pains (which turned out to be ovarian cysts) and the doctors did a CT Scan. That’s when they noticed the lesion on my kidney. I was told shortly thereafter that is was indeed cancer, but the place it was located inside of the kidney made it probable that it could reoccur after being removed.
I was devastated. I just remember being so scared! That big C word is very frightening. I was set up for surgery during the last week of March 2016 and ended up staying in the hospital for 5 days.
Even though the surgery was 2 years ago, I am still recovering mentally. I know that sounds strange, but ever since the surgery, I feel different. My now husband was there for me during my recovery and I am so grateful! It seems like the kidney removal began a downward spiral for me mentally. It made me feel “broken”. It’s been scary knowing that I’ve added one more thing to my list of health issues to watch out for. I am already a type 2 diabetic who suffers from depression and PTSD.
God brought me through the surgery with a clean bill of health and I am so thankful! The recovery was long, but He had put someone in my life to be there for me when I needed it the most. God is ALWAYS FAITHFUL!

Starting Over

This is the day that the Lord has made. I will rejoice and be glad in it. So much as been happening in my life these last few years, there is no way I can keep it all to myself.

In the last three years, I have gotten a kidney removed, changed jobs, gotten married and gotten a new car!
Do you know that no matter what, God will never leave you?
I have grown in my faith so much! It wasn’t easy though. I’ve been so afraid and so happy and sometimes so down…but God has never left my side!
There is so many things that have changed for me, that I am at a point where I really need to regroup and find myself all over again.
Don’t let change stop you!
I have to start over, but I believe that God can make the rest of my life the BEST of my life!